Yesterday I battled with the @!#$ing company called ApothoPet, aka Center Pet Pharmacy in Washington D.C. My vet called in Ed’s refill on the 15th for Cisapride, a drug not readily available at most vets (on hand, that is), and unsafe for humans, so you can’t just get it filled at a regular pharmacy either. You have to go to one of these pet pharmacies, that range in prices like the military has radar range, and you never know how reputable the one you finally settle on will be. This place is run half in part by a stoner who seems to be afternoon shift (read = no early am shifts) that doesn’t know his ass from his face. His medication should have been here Monday. It is now Wednesday, and it’s not here. When I called them and complained Monday, Stoner Guy said he’d flag down UPS and overnight it. I never got a call back to say if they did or not…they did not. I called again yesterday to see wtf was up, and got a nice girl that said she’d overnight 10 capsules gratis. I still don’t have them. Stoner Guy said they were mailed out on the 18th, but he couldn't say why - only that it was odd that it took two days to fill.

Not only that, but the other package won’t arrive until the !@#$ing 24th, so I had my vet call the “expensive-but-reliable” people to overnight it. They charged me $69 for what ApothoCrap charged me $36 for, and yet again…I still do not have the pills.

Meanwhile… I got home from work at around 5ish, administered Ed’s laxative (it had been 2 days since his cisapride ran out, which keeps his bowels from backing up), and fed him and Lestat. I couldn’t wait to watch them both finish eating, because I had to get down to the vet by 6pm (closing) to pick up Ed’s heart medications, which the old vet feels it is necessary to keep him on for a while to prevent another episode. So I go there, pick up the meds, head down to meet up with The Muppet. We headed back to my place.

What we found when we arrived was a landmine zone of puked up food, not even digested or chewed all the way. As we cleaned this, Ed continued to puke, and showed us that he was unable to poo at all. Everywhere he went, he tried to go and couldn’t. He was drinking water, and puking. It was time for his heart meds, so I had to give him the medication even though there was a 99% chance he’d puke it up. I gave him a double dose of the laxative, in increments over 2 hours. He seemed to keep down the pills, but I couldn’t be certain he didn’t puke them up again too… Every hour on the hour all night long, he was puking. A lull happened around 4am, and I slept I think until 5:45, when I heard him puking again, and got up to clean.

I called the vet at 7am and arranged to take him in for the day. They are going to extract the backed up poo, figure out if this little lump he felt around his lymph nodes is causing any problems (he is having trouble swallowing, I noticed, when I gave him his laxative and heart meds this morning…which he did keep down). I found a giant puddle of pee next to his pet bed, behind the chair I normally sit in when I’m working.

The results are also in for his lab results - negative for Cushings Disease, as his adrenal glands are normal.

It’s just all so sad. We are back to square one with whatever is wrong with him. Please say a prayer to whatever gods you support, and if you don’t believe in any, light a candle for him anyway. Please.

Yes, even presidential candidates get their submissions rejected. Tee hee. Read about it on CNN.

It is with mixed feelings that I write this, because in no way can my words be taken as an upsided or downsided situation with Ed. I spent a few hours late yesterday at the new Vet’s office, and I really, really, REALLY have to commend their dedication and attention to detail. The staff is wonderful there. On occasion in your life you have the opportunity to meet doctors of your own that (I mean really) “get it,” and aren’t afraid to read up in medical texts on things right in front of you, or are always looking into new procedures, illnesses, and therapies. I think I have had maybe two such doctors in my life time, and that was in Marin at Greenbrae (one has since retired, and not by his choice – he simply got too old). Ed now has one such doctor.

This in no way diminishes his previous vet care. Muppet actually made a comment that could sum it up nicely; our regular vet is very young, and may not have had experience with the type of issues Ed presents, as what I am about to describe is very rare. It is also very difficult to diagnose, and can often go undetected because it piggy backs on more important, scary illnesses, such as Diabetes and Cancer – neither of which Ed has been diagnosed with in the past.

After close examination of the cardiac sonograms taken, it was determined that Ed does not, in fact, have heart disease. There is no build-up of reservoir of blood in the “receptacle lake” area of his heart muscle, and most importantly, the walls of his heart are not thick enough to assume heart disease as a viable problem. His murmur comes and goes; this has been noted by all three vets.

It was determined that along with his heart, his liver and gall bladder are enlarged…but his bloodwork came back normal, excepting an issue concerning the liver enzymes, where one area was scary high (if normal range were 20-100…Ed’s was over 1500). He has had skin problems recently – and was treated for multiple random sores (not caused by fleas or other pest) on his skin that scab over. He has significant hair loss and thinning, combined with a change from his thick black coat to a mangy, very thin, grayish-brown coat. He has chronic problems with constipation and bowel issues. He is obsessively hungry all the time, and drinks a lot of water (marked increase from last year). His decline can be noted from January on…most significantly noticed in March. His eyes are sometimes buggy…meaning, you can see the whites of his eyes on occasion.

When the vet showed me his skin, it was paper (and I do mean paper thin – it was gross) thin, and very fragile…and there is something called “Fragile Skin Disease” associated with this kind of condition, where the skin is so thin and fragile it tears easily—like if you grab a cat by the scruff of his neck, the skin could actually come off. This is the result of a high cortisone production and build-up, which also means a doughy, sort of pot-bellied abdomen and weak abdominal muscles, all of which Ed has. The vet likened it to as if his body was giving himself cortisone shots daily, because he has never been on any cortisone therapy with any vet.

His abdominal sonogram looked relatively normal, however…and his adrenal glands were not enlarged. The vet believes he may have a very rare disease in cats, called Cushing's Disease, which is also common in humans, and sometimes in dogs…but rarely cats. In Ed’s case, this could be just a hormone imbalance, and with proper treatment it could be regulated.

If you read up on Cushing's Disease in Felines, however, you will see that only 50% of cats that have adrenalectomy surgeries survive—most of which die within a few days post operation. Similarly, only 50% who do medical treatments not involving surgeries survive. Since there is almost always an underlying bigger issue causing Cushing's, and it is not likely to be Ed’s adrenal glands or diabetes, it is likely that he has some kind of cancer that has not presented itself yet.

Cancer is, of course, bad…but it is much more treatable than something like Cushing's because there are so many more options available.

Come Monday, Ed will undergo a special test to decide if he can be diagnosed with Cushing's disease. I’ll post an update soon after—as this test process will take all day.

Thanks you to everyone for your kind words and well-wishes for Ed. This has been a very emotional process, and your thoughts and good vibes have helped us through immensely. Ed is on medication to keep him stable right now, and he’s doing well—almost back to his normal self, but still lethargic and not eating as well as I would like him to be.

It has taken 7 months to get this far in finding out what's wrong with Ed...and in finding out the real problem we can stop treating symptoms and actually treat the big issue--which may make him healthy or at least healthier again.

Those of you who have had the pleasure or profound amusement to meet my big black cat Ed, know why we call him special. He is perhaps one of the sweetest, most loving, and overly-affectionate empathic cats I’ve ever met, who loves to enunciate when he’s talking to you (or at you), as much as he loves to eat. He brings joy to everyone he meets. He has the personality, intelligence, and whimsical nature of a four year old child…and sometimes…a very large dog. He is a lap cat. He sleeps on my head at night. He likes to hug. He likes to kiss. He likes to pet you with his paws, because he knows it feels good when people pet him. He sometimes steals your food when you are not paying enough attention to the plate…and when he’s been scolded, he sometimes feels so bad that his eyes well up with tears and he appears to almost cry.

He has been my companion for 11 years, and his heart very, very big and open to anyone that needs a little (or a lot) of love.

We found out just how very big his heart is last night.

At 6pm I got home from work to find a very different sort of cat at the door. Though he did greet me, he did not meow at all, which is completely abnormal for him. When I gave him his medication in a little bowl of milk, he did not so much as touch it, or cry for more…or cry for food in general, which is part of his routine. He usually meows like a broken record until he gets fed his dinner, and I noticed he was very uncomfortable around the abdomen, and very tired. He followed me from room to room and tried to lay down wherever I was, until he was too tired to even do that, and found a spot on top of my purse (the thing he knows I never leave with out) at the table. I knew something was very, very wrong.

I called the Muppet and he was on his way home by 6:30, and we took Ed to the emergency vet in the outer Richmond, who saw him right away. He said he had a terrible heart murmur, and then took some x-rays, which showed his abdomen, and also his liver, lungs, and heart. There was a ton of fluid back-up in his lungs, making it difficult to breathe, so they put him on oxygen and I couldn’t see him then. The vet went over his x-rays with me and showed me where Ed’s heart should be, and said it was grossly enlarged—and it was. About the size of your fist…or a human size heart.

The vet kept him overnight to watch him closely, and after about 11pm they took him off the oxygen, as he was responding to the two medications they gave him to help reduce the fluid, and get his breathing back to normal, as well as his heartbeat. The vet recommended an emergency cardiac sonogram be done the next day, and though we already had one scheduled for the 25th—this needed to be done immediately. Our vet only gets the sono guy once a month, so he recommended a place that had the machine kind of near the Fillmore area. We called this morning, but they were not seeing new patients, so the ER vet actually spoke to him on the phone and that got us in…we were so relieved. Between these two very knowledgeable doctors, we felt Ed was in better hands than ever.

I am now awaiting the results of the abdominal sonogram, followed by the cardiac sonogram.

I can’t tell you what a wreck I was last night, and I am very thankful for all the friends who called or sent texts to let me know they were praying for my little man, and that they hoped he’d be ok. I’m very thankful for the Muppet and all his support last night—as well as today. Friends and Animals have always been as important to me as family—especially at times when I didn’t have family growing up (and that’s a very different thing now).

I can’t begin to tell you what knowing that I might wake up this morning and not have my Eddie to come home to every day did to me, but I haven’t cried that hard in a long time.

I would like to thank All Animals Emergency Hospital and SF Pet Hospital for their extraordinary attention to detail and giving Ed the best care they know how with limited frame of reference. Whatever happens, I know he has and will receive the best care possible.

I know, I know. I'm behind on the blog.

Cemetery Dance is sending the galleys this week, and Daniele Serra has done a beautiful Frontis Piece for the book. Have a looksie:



I'm still plugging away at Elements with Linda Addison, Marge Simon, and Charlee Jacob - which is proving to be a very dark journey (in a good way) for all of us.

Lets see...Last month and this month I did some traveling. Spent my little sister's birthday in Texas with the family, and then it was off to Waterwookie's wedding reception in Maryland. Which was kind of like a highschool reunion, along with several characters that I used to be in rock bands with before I moved to California in 1995. We all sat around with acoustic guitars (it took an hour to get them all in tune), and sang old butt rock songs. Unfortunately the only songs we all knew both the lyrics and the guitar parts for turned out to be either Skid Row or Pink Floyd...which was amusing in itself. It was a lot of fun, and it was great to see the old gang.

We stayed at my Auntie's house in Manassas, Virginia--which was beautiful and relaxing. We brought her and my Grandmama some fresh St. George cheese from the Matos Family Farm, and left a bottle of Longboard Syrah with a few Gisperts for my Uncle to enjoy, who was in St. Louis on a Harley road trip. Unfortunately the Muppet's grandmother of 98 passed away on that trip, so we had to cut it short and return home. She lived a very full life, I'm told, and passed away on her birthday.

A few weeks ago I mentioned the reading for Rudos and Rubes Publishing, which was a lot of fun. I read from their edition of The Guilt of the Templars, hoisted a few beers, and generally had a good time. John Shirley turned up, who I have not seen in ages, and it turns out he'll be giving a reading this Thursday night at the Edinburgh Castle, so I'm planning on heading to that as well.

My former editorial assistant from Spiderwords, Baine, is in town from Boston this week - we Bigfooted last night and then hung out at home, catching up over taco salads and champagne before he tripped the light fantastic over in the Castro.

Tonight we celebrate Accident Prone's birthday in Oakland (who also used to be my assistant back when she was a poor college student and I could afford her); tomorrow we celebrate Muppet Man's birthday in San Francisco.

I have finally given consent to get rid of my Liberace Meets Cleopatra style coffee table, which has lost its glass top and a leg in the war. I have always said I would one day get it fixed, but truthfully, I will never make the time... I put it up on Craigslist for someone who might want to refurbish it, but so far, I've had a lot of flakes make appointments to come and look at the table, that none of them kept. If you live nearby or have secretly lusted after (ok, ok--those of you who have loved it have never done so secretly) it for some time, drop me a line.

The new Liberace Meets Cleopatra coffee table will be this one, in case anyone thought I was toning down my taste in décor. I might even have a Happy New Gaudy Coffee Table party, come to think of it...once it's finally delivered.

Oh, and thanks to a coworker and former Macromedian, I finally got my new copy of the Adobe Creative Suite (yay!), which means the old Raingraves.com website will be getting an overhaul, and the revival of Spiderwords can begin...as soon as I get a new (used) laptop. Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!

I will be reading for Rudos and Rubes Publishing tomorrow night, 6/14, at the Edinburgh Castle on Geary in San Francisco with Johnny Strike (of CRIME fame), and Michael Lucas. While this will not be my own work, it *will* be from the Rudos and Rubes release of The Guilt of the Templars. Depravity, debauchery, sodomy, and the Pope. What more could you ask for? Michael will be reading from his own work, and Johnny will be doing a fantastic performance piece complete with ye olde timey sound effects and guitar accompaniment.

Come on out and join us this Saturday night – get a pint, some fish and chips, and enjoy the show!

Today I played with an Alligator in the Sewer. Since we are aiming for 30-40 pages each, this may cut down my section a bit, but in an appropriately deviant way.

Marge shared with Charlee, Linda, and me a bit of flash fiction for her section, which is fantastic. Gritty. Dirty. Dark.

I've added a 500 word story as well, and we're waiting on the feedback from the other gals.

While I can't say I've ever had a difficult collaboration--not ever--this one seems to be flowing very easily.

S'posed to be very hot in the city this week...and the urge to play hookie to surf on Thursday in 100 degree heat is definately strong, but I'm traveling to Virginia at the end of the month for Waterwookie's wedding reception (they are getting married at Yellowstone Park this month but having the reception in Maryland), and can't spare the PTO.

I saw Sephera Giron's wedding pictures, and they are absolutely beautiful. I sure wish I could have been there. :)

I have been playing with a Leviathan and Poseidon today.

Wait through the transition "nissan" comercially splash pages. It's worth it.

Yes, he actually thought we would not notice.

Green?

the reclamation of beached sand dollars
counted in the thousands,
so much treasure for a child
looking for one and only one
on the shore;

I can’t blame this one on the sewer
Can’t blame it on defecation debris
Or the mud of dirty dredgers
Polluting my beach, my sea
And the shore;

My green’s gone black with tar
And that ink’s in the money promised
To clean it all up, those dead
Tarred and feathered, bunkered--
Oiled to the shore;

Four big spills in a summer
Fifty new birds endangered
Zero federal hazmat help
And my ocean’s still
Unclean.
Unclean.

Happy Birthday Amacker

It’s amacker’s birthday week…and we are celebrating tonight under the Master Chef debg’s creations. Happy Birthday, Amacker!

Belated WHC Thank-Yous

I apologize for not doing this sooner, but I’ve been under the weather and on deadlines since I got back from WHC. To all the folks I met along the way at WHC – thank you. To the organizers – excellent job! To the HWA – Best. Stokers. Ever. Special thank-you to Del Howison who came through on TGE copies (which happen to be out of print and impossible to get), and to those of you who bought them—thank you as well. Thanks to everyone who came to my readings, and to everyone who came, enjoyed, and participated in the Gross Out Contest. I’ve gotten a lot of emails great emails from folks on this one, and had a blast planning it.

The New Book-o-Meter

What happens when four Stoker Award winning poets get together in email? A book, that’s what. This new book-o-meter is for a yet-to-be-titled collaboration by Linda Addison, Marge Simon, Charlee Jacob, and myself. My goal is about 40 pages of Poetry, which is why the meter reads 10,000 words.



HorrorWorld Interview

Have a look at Steve Wedel's interview with me over at Horrorworld. Go for the interview; stay for the rest!

Finished Stuff

I finished the Introduction for Mark McLaughlin and Mike McCarty's new book, Attack of the Two-Headed Poetry Monster. It's off to the publisher now.

Notes from the Weekend in Healdsburg with Muppet Man, lily_dove, and Mot.

Five things you need to know about the Dry Creek growing region:

1). Make an appointment at Michel-Schlumberger for their wine and cheese pairing. Seriously. You will not be sorry. My two favorite things taken away from that is that they make a desert wine that tastes exactly like mead – which is something I can’t ever have because I can’t digest honey. I have only ever had mead once – specially home-made mead, and at the time my ignorance of the honey as an ingredient was my total and utter intestinal downfall within the hour of drinking it. M-S's Semillion Silk Purse is not going to do that, however. Ever. Muwahahahaha! You can only get it at the winery, however. But Sophie's Cellars has it for $27...

The second thing is they paired the cheese with the appellation of the wines served – and there is this little known farm that a Portuguese family owns and operates that makes St. George cheese. The family’s name is Matos, and their farm is in Santa Rosa.

This cheese goes with anything, I swear, and is the most amazing cheese… We got directions to the farm to buy some, but didn’t get around to it with all the other running we did. It’s worth the drive to Santa Rosa, I’m telling you. Cowgirl Creamery sells the Matos St. George for $15.50/lb, and the Cheese Shop on Polk and Pacific sells it for a whopping $23/lb. I picked up a cut-to-order wedge yesterday but am still smarting from the price. You can get it straight from the farm for about $5.99/lb. (who ever knew cheese was such a mark-up…and local cheese at that). Tip – if they wrap it for you in paper, rewrap it in plastic wrap. The cheese does go hard fast in the paper. You’ll want to keep it moist.

2) Mounts. MOUNTS MOUNTS MOUNTS! This is also a family owned and operated vineyard, and has been for 40 years. They typically only taste by appointment only, but we got a hot tip that their tasting room was open (ok, ok…we saw the sign out on the side of the road, and the nice lady at Michel-Schlumberger told us if the sign was out…run, do not walk…to Mounts). Being a family farm…it looks like a family farm. You drive through dirt and gravel, find yourself at a little farm house with a big red farm barn, and a tiny four year old girl peeps around the corner at you, just as you walk around to the back of the barn…where her beautiful (and very pregnant) mother greets you with a smile and a glass. You notice the four year old climbing amongst the barrels a bit, but this is no distraction compared to the amazing flavors of their Syrahs and Zins. Oh. My. God. We bought a case. Make no mistake, this is a family farm experience, not your hoidy-toidy Napa/Somona we’re-so-rich-we-can-buy-your-soul type of tasting room. It’s part of the charm, too.

3) Ferrari-Carano has a tulip hotline for when all the tulips in their amazing gardens are in bloom. Truthfully, this was the only reason we were stopping at the (somewhat Disney Theme Parkish) large volume winery…but they also had this new tasting room tucked away from the usual tourists (at $5, most people prefer to stay upstairs), with gold flecked granite topped tables and bar, and these giant curly obsidian glass chandeliers that just were amazing to look at.

They reminded me of a cluster of myriad vampires disguised as bats, clawing and cloying to one another like some entangled body-art, hanging in disguise. Anyway…the wines were nothing of note down there (a $15 tasting fee), except…one. Oh glorious Baccus, you have hidden a treasure there in there Elderado Noir Muscat. Its black. A Black Muscat! And oh…so….goooooooooooooooooood! (insert homer drooling sounds here). Not the best price point, but I bought a bottle.

4) I forced everyone to go (kitsch-factor understood) to Longboard Vinyards, because as a surf geek, I really, really had a hard time not being out in the waves when we left at 10am on Saturday morning, with the clear blue skies, warm weather, no offshore winds, and minus tides going off around the Bay Area. They have a lot of restored old 60’s and 70’s longboards hanging, along with a few shortboards, and play some good surf movies on the plasma screen while you taste. The owner is a surfer, of course…and while not the cheapest wine, it’s good young wine, so you can sit on it for a while and it will turn into great wine. We picked up some of their Syrah and one bottle of their 2005 Merlot which we tasted there (and is excellent to drink now), but they only had three bottles left of. The tasting room is very small, but it wasn’t crowded. Probably because any surfer would have been out in the waves…(cringe).

5). Simi whites. And that’s all I have to say about it, though some of you wine-o’s would say their reds are even better. Oh! And they have this chardonnay/olive oil marinade stuff for $5.99 (or at least they did – we bought the last two bottles of it). Another thing you can only get at the winery.

Well, that's all for now, folks.

Snarfed this vid from yvonnenavarro:



And for the Musicians...my favorite quotable Dick Dale:



This is why I don't work for free. This is why I am my own boss. This is why I am successful at what I do.

Anyone aspiring to write or to play music should pay close attention to what Harlan and Dick have to say. Words to live by.

Dear Sen. Boxer,

Re:

I applaud your efforts on coastal clean-up - I am a Bay Area resident (San Francisco County), a registered voter, and a member of the Surfrider Foundation, which fueled much of the clean up efforts from the oil spills in the Bay Area.

I read your recent message about strengthening the restrictions on bunker oil tankers (specifically), traveling in US Waters to double hulls, and proposing no limit to the government's financial relief responsibility for single hull tankers. I think you are on the right track with limitations, but unfortunately, the restrictions you propose seem to be a little lacking.

1) I would propose not only a restriction on bunker oil ships, but ALL oil carrying cargo vessels. All oil is hazardous to the environment when it hits the ecosystem in ways it was never intended.
2) I would definitely agree with phasing out limits to Federal financial responsibility. If we cannot phase out limits, I propose a secondary motion to *increase* financial responsibility at the federal level. Locally we saw absolutely NO government financial resources for the first month and a half of the spill despite them telling us it would be there. It was all grass roots local clean-up efforts organized largely by local foundations (including Surfrider), environmentalists, and surfers. We saw no federal or local government resources outside of classes provided by the EPA for civilians to do beach clean-up. It wasn't until 4 weeks in that Pacifica's local government even got involved.

3) I would propose a much more harsh restriction on the AMOUNT of oil, bunker or otherwise, allowed to be carried on any waterway by a single vessel. This would reduce the *amount* of a spill if one was to happen. If the Cosco Busan were limited to half its carriage, we would have a much less devastating effect on our environment due to the spill.

4) I would propose ocean floor major EPA and Marine studies on the impact the spill has caused just sitting there in globs. The ban on crabbing and fishing was lifted way too soon. One week after the ban was lifted I walked along Ocean Beach which was saturated still with tar bubbles (I stepped in one and had to throw my shoes out) oil streaks across the sands, and thousands upon thousands of sand dollars had washed up dead on the shore. It was not mating season (which is a common reason why they would ever beach themselves en masse). Mussels from the Bay were found to have 5 times the toxicity levels of normal (our ocean's cleaners), and it was very apparent bottom feeding harvestable foods such as crab would be effected, despite early tests the government imposed *before* the oil could reach the bottom of the ocean. Linda Mar beach in Pacifica had to be closed 6 weeks after the spill because storms had dredged up oil from the ocean floor from the spill, and deposited it back on the beaches there.

I surf these waters. I haven't been in them since the spill. It's devastating to me what little has been done, and I really appreciate your efforts and hope that you will take my suggestions into your heart and politics.

I once said that if any politician stood up for spill clean-up even marginally, I would vote for them. All other matters are off the table for me. This is the singularly most important environmental issue that carries the weight of my vote.

Thank you for listening.
(emailed)

A bunch of us were interviewed in the Daily Herald's article by Cody Clark, which appeared last friday.

Take a look.

Signing off now...for my Salt Lake City adventure.

This will be a busy convention! I’ve been interviewed twice in the past week; once by the Daily Herald and the second by Horror World. I’ll post links to those interviews when they actually go live. In the mean time, here is where I will be at WHC 2008 next week in Salt Lake City:

Thursday
8:00pm – Poetry Reading (with various other poets including myself)

Friday
4:30pm – Fiction Reading ("Wild Card" from the forth coming IN LAYMON'S TERMS)
7:00pm – Panel: The Fine Art of the Gross-Out
8:00pm – Mass Autograph Signing (I will have copies of The Gossamer Eye and Excitable Boys on hand, plus post cards with the cover art from BARFODDER)
10:30pm – Annual Gross-Out Contest (Hostess)

Saturday
7:30pm – Stokers Banquet
9:00pm – Stoker Awards (co-presenting poetry)

Here is an announcement from WHC and HWA concerning the live broadcast of the Bram Stoker Awards for 2007, of which, I will be co-presenting the poetry award with Sarah Langan.

(begin quote):
The Horror Writers Association (HWA), World Horror Convention, and
iSCIFI.tv announce that the 2007 Bram Stoker Awards ceremony will be
broadcast live on the Internet on Saturday, March 29, 2008.

This is the first time that the Stokers have been broadcast as they
happen.

The awards ceremony is being held at the 2008 World Horror Convention
in Salt Lake City. Following a banquet, the awards ceremony will
begin at approximately 9:00 p.m. local time (11:00 p.m. eastern time).

To watch the awards, please click to http://www.iscifi.tv/live/ where
the podcast will be displayed in the center of your screen.

The Master of Ceremonies this year is Jeff Strand, and a series of
esteemed horror authors will present the Stokers in the categories of:

-Novel
-First Novel
-Long Fiction
-Short Fiction
-Collection
-Anthology
-Nonfiction
-Poetry

As well, several non-Stoker awards will be presented:

-The 2008 Grandmaster Award (presented by the World Horror
Society)
-The co-winners of the HWA Lifetime Achievement Award
-The Richard Laymon Award (HWA President’s Award)

This is the 21st annual Stoker ceremony. The HWA is pleased to be
working with the World Horror Conference and iSCIFI.tv to broadcast
the event.

To view the live video, you will need to have Flash installed for
your web browser and your Internet speed needs to be at least 300
kbps (downstream / download). If your stream is slower, you may have
pausing in the video, or the audio will be out of sync. iSCIFI.tv
will be offering audio only and still images that are captured during
the podcast. Please visit the live stream page at http://
www.iscifi.tv/live for further information, troubleshooting, and
links to the audio and/or image captures.

(end quote)

For a full list of programming head over to the WHC2008 Website.

Lost Boys: The Tribe. Straight to DVD, baby.

Another James Bond weekend summed up in one word: Fantastic.

We had dinner at one of our favorite neighborhood restaurants, Rue St. Jacques on Friday evening and opened up a magnum of 2001 Trefethen Cabernet to share with the wait staff, as it is now become our tradition to bring them wine. The Muppet is fond of his French wines, so getting a bunch of Frenchmen who know their wines very, very well, to sip and enjoy a Napa wine built in a very French way was fun for us both. As usual, the cuisine there was top notch. I have never had even so much as a mediocre meal there - the chef works with organic and fresh ingredients, and everything melts in your mouth.

Saturday we took the Aston Martin to Domaine Carneros (by way of Telfords for some Monte Cristos, as they have a very wide selection of my favorite cigars there...and the ever irresistible In-N-Out Burger. I must admit, we did get a few looks pulling into the parking lot in that car) to pick up some of their Ultra Brut, which they keep to wine club member release only - but if you can get your hands on a bottle, I highly recommend it for an affordable, light, crisp champagne. We typically compare it to the Late Disgorged.

We snapped a few photos there before moving on to Trefethen (upon arriving though, we realized the shipment wouldn't be ready until the end of the month, unfortunately). From there we went to St. Supery, and picked up my Oak Free Chardonnay and the new Elu release. We also got the deal of a lifetime on a case of the 2001 Merlot - which many of you who frequent my parlour will be privy to tasting shortly. I try to get some of this whenever its accessible - sometimes they have it, sometimes they do not. We scored on this trip. Totally.

We decided to stop in to The Rubicon Estate to have a cigar take in the new view, after they demolished the second storage building blocking the view of the vines on to the main road. The Muppet scored me the coveted orange from the Great Lemorange tree...my life is now complete.

After that it was off to the Glen Ellen Inn which is an Oyster Bar and Grille that has these "Secret Cottages" you can reserve...I found the B&B online when I was running a search on Sonoma. Our criteria is always that a place have a restaurant so we can park the car and just walk everywhere else (ie., no drinking and driving!). The little cottage we had was perfectly situated just off a lovely creek with a stone bridge, where we could hear the water just outside the window, gently going by. There was a fireplace, a hot tub - pretty much all the things you could want - all nestled in a sleepy little town off the beaten path.

Dinner at the Inn was fantastic as well - I knew when I tasted his sweet biscuits disguised as little scones that it was all gonna be good. I had a stewed lamb shank with polenta, oysters on the half shell with some good old fashioned southern influence in the sauces (not your run of the mill garlic and white wine vinegar/ginger dip), and we tapped into that Elu for the feast. All was well in Hoosville.

The next day we set out for Sonoma with the intention of antiquing in Healdsburg, however, there is no good way to get from Glen Ellen to Healdsburg so we sort of winged it, stopping in at Chateau St. Jean to sample the Malbec release (yes, it even impressed my Malbec snobbery - but it's still on the light side and reminds me very much more of a pinot noir. The fruit you taste for mere moments in the beginning *could* pass for a traditional Argentine Malbec, however). We noticed a vineyard that the Muppet recalled his former boss had taken over - so we headed on up and up and up north to visit Quivira. They were doing a barrel tasting of a few Zinfandels, which was quite tasty. We chatted a bit with Steven Canter, the winemaker, and I learned a lot about the difference between "head-trained" vines and the t-shape you normally see...how the newly implemented biodynamic farming got rid of a Floxera infestation that nearly saw them pulling up one section of old vines...instead, it has vanished and that crop was saved as a result of the new practice.

We *had* stopped in Healdsburg for burgers on the way, but were too tired to contemplate antiques by the time we finished up north, so back to San Francisco we drove...top down, enjoying life.

...And life *is* good.

March is flying by…

I will be (as most of you know) attending WHC 2008 in Salt Lake City at the end of the month. Currently the computer with all the software that can update my website is still toast – so you’ll all have to make due with updates via blog.

I am, once again, The Hostess of the Grossest for this year's Annual Gross Out Contest. Of the possible 15 slots for readers, 8 of them are filled. Those contestants are (in no particular order):

Stephen Woodworth
Dan Nader
Kurt Dinan
Jeff Strand
Scott Browne
Nate Southard
Mike Meyers
Thomas Sippos

The judges this year are:

Kelly Laymon
John Skipp
Cullen Bunn (we just couldn’t let him compete anymore…not after that last win)

My Chief of Security is of course, Weston Ochse.

If you have signed up but don’t see your name on the list above, please contact me.

If you're going to be there Thursday evening, I'll be participating in the poetry reading that evening. Gross Out Contest is Friday night at 10:00pm-12:00am.

I'll post whatever panels, etc... as soon as I have the final list.

Shit gets weird.

You ever have one of those days that started off awry, like…immediately when you opened your eyes, but somehow before you made it out of bed the space and time continuum shifts and for reasons unbeknownst to you, stuff just starts…going right. I mean, you don’t expect it because the minute you opened your eyes they were puffy maybe, from allergies, and the sunlight through the window was too bright and causing one of those sharp eyeball pains and you didn’t do the dishes last night so you know they are sitting there in the sink, waiting, waiting, waiting for you to walk in and groan at them.

But before you got out of bed, something got weird on the bad stuff and just, flip-flopped it into good stuff. Kinda like swapping bodies in that old movie, FREAKY FRIDAY, and it’s not Friday, in fact. It’s only Tuesday.

Because maybe staying in bed that extra 30 minutes was the right thing to do, and all you needed in order to make your karma better – but see, that’s wrong because – usually when you are late to work they notice and it’s a bad thing.

(They didn’t notice).

And your agent emails you back, like, immediately. And you only sent him that email at the close of business yesterday, and it’s an eastern time zone and you’re on pacific.

You’ve got to plop something in the mail now, and it’s probably going to make you a lot of money. Maybe even before it’s all the way done.

And by gods, they’ve changed the coffee in the kitchen at the office and it’s not that over-boiled bitter crap anymore…no…it’s a brand spanking new hot brew machine that makes individual servings that are excruciatingly bad for the environment and it’s an evil little machine and you know it but goddamn that Rain Forest Nut coffee is so f’ing good that you go in for a second kill on the Black Magic Dark Roast and OH MY GOD the heavens are opening up even as we’re pumping the methane into the ozone layer and shining, laughing, singing on your head.

Two job offers pop up in your inbox, and heck, they aren’t bad ones.

Someone rearranged their schedule and the schedules of others just to accommodate YOURS.

A bill for an offsite meeting came in and jesusmaryandjoseph it’s about a thousand dollars less than it should be and your boss is just SO F’ING HAPPY WITH IT he’s not even thinking about the trickle down that’s about to happen because of the words “Budget Cuts” passed down the day or two before, canceling his business trip to Newark, where no one wants to ever go anyway because they’d rather fly into JFK.

And your boyfriend loves you so much it hurts good and you didn’t stub your toe on that file cabinet that you normally stub it on when you wear flip flops and even though it was a bad hair day, everyone compliments you on it…just because.

Egads. I think I’m HAPPY.

What is this world coming to?

It’s got to be that coffee machine. It’s signified the coming apocalypse, and the Four Horsemen are Rain Forest Nut, Black Magic Dark Roast, French Vanilla, and Breakfast Roast Decaf.

The Decaf looks especially dangerous, and should be watched closely for signs of the utmost importance.

I mean, how can you call a single use machine the “Green Mountain,” fully branded with single serving coffees in plastic and foil containers that CANNOT BE RECYCLED because of a double filter layer that has to be in there because it keeps the coffee fresh? I mean, the machine—it pokes this vampyric little hole in the top of the little plastic cup thing through the foil lid sporting one of the Four Horsemen mentioned above, and it gurgles a bit when you push the glowing blue button (I always knew the button for the end of the world would be glowing on and off like that, as if to say…push me!) and in about 5 to 10 seconds you have a perfectly fresh, perfectly lovely cup of coffee…AT WORK!

Now that I think about it…the machine does look a little like a Dalek. If Daleks were black. And shorter. And the fact that all those little plastic containers won’t recycle and are holding compostable stuff, that’s like, trapped inside, as if each little cup were screaming (quietly)…Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Maybe I shouldn’t have made that comment about elves the other day. It’s always the comments about elves that mess you up. No wait—that’s garden gnomes. Creepy little buggers. Like tiny, scary clowns guarding seed and sapling alike; all the beautiful things; all the worlds roses are guarded by garden gnomes.

It’s the gnomes, I tell you. They’re after us all. That’s why they’re always smiling…plotting…waiting. One day, they’ll crack off a piece of that ceramic hat, and they’ll cut you while you sleep. They already know where you live. It’s only a matter of time.

What I don’t get is the plastic pink flamingos. What do they get out of the deal?